Little HB

I can't tell you how relieved I was to finally hear our little ones heartbeat (HB) yesterday. In previous scans we had certainly seen it's little HB, but it wasn't till yesterday that we actually heard it.

Ever since the first scan, our bub has been nicknamed HB, simply because right from the start the doctors have always commented on what a strong (and fast) HB our baby has.

Seems odd then that I have spent the past two weeks worried that it may have stopped ... when the doctor asked if everything was ok (we didn't actually need the appointment yesterday), I explained that we were just being paranoid first timers who needed reassurance that the little one was doing fine. It had been 7 weeks since our last scan, and to be honest, it was just too long.

Whilst we didn't get to see the little one, it was so re-assuring to know that he/she is doing fine.

Is this weird? Am I weird?

My belly is growing so I know I should feel re-assured, but I have heard/read so many heartbreaking stories about couples losing their bub around the 17 week mark, and I am sure I had almost convinced myself that we would be one of those. Does that make me morbid? I had no signs that anything was wrong - well except the lack of pregnancy symptoms, which I can hear you all say I should actually be rejoicing about! Now that we have gone the longest stint between scans, we are back to the regular 4 week scan, so here's hoping for no more freak-outs.

I walked out of the doctors and back to work yesterday with a little skip in my step rejoicing in the fact that I might actually be a mummy one day soon, that I was still pregnant, and that we might actually make it all the way and be blessed with a little bubba at the end. I don't know why this is so hard for me to accept, like it might be stolen from me at any minute. Perhaps its about control? Something is happening in my body/life which I have no control over. Maybe I simply can't handle not being in control? Could that be it? I guess that's what faith is for then right? And perhaps because my faith is not the strongest, I am having trouble believing that everything will be ok. Who knows?

There are some big questions there, might have to ponder this one a bit longer... for the moment, I am just going to stop worrying and enjoy being pregnant:)

Image from here